I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
