i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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