I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
