I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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