They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Randomize
