just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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