my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
