I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
