Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
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and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
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I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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