I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
