You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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