Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
