Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
People in love make me want to vomit
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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