Your face is a jimmy john
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
