Pregnant stripper...not hot.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
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