A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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