She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
