wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
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i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
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I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
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