suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
