the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize