I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
