I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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