You smell like stripper and shame
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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