do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
