Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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