She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
