My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
