Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Your cock deserves a montage
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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