Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
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I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
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Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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