He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
