You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
