god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
