There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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