she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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