I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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