I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
