are you still at the devil's house?
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
