And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
