i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
