Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
