So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
