my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
