I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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