The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I still have a little drunk in my system
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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