Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
