You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
