Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
