My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
