Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
