A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
