Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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