and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
