You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
