Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Hippo gnu deer
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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