escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
