He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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