This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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