i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
