2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
